Navigating the College Application Process with the Pillars of Explicit Parenting
In this episode of “I Wonder,” we delve into how the principles of explicit parenting can be applied to the college application process, providing a roadmap for maintaining your sanity and nurturing your relationship with your child during these transformative years. Whether you’re approaching this journey for the first time or have navigated it before, these insights can help ensure a smoother ride.
Know Yourself
Understanding your own emotions and triggers is crucial. This transitional period can bring up memories and expectations from your own past experiences with college or career decisions. Reflect on how these might influence your interactions with your child. It’s important to differentiate your aspirations from theirs. Engage in open conversations with your partner about your collective hopes and expectations for your child’s future, ensuring they are grounded in your child’s unique dreams and potential.
Know Your Relationship
Think about the long-term relationship you want with your child. Visualize your interactions years down the line when they are young adults. What kind of relationship do you aspire to have? This vision should guide your behavior and decisions now. Even as your child gains independence, maintaining a supportive and respectful relationship is key. This process isn’t just about surviving the college application phase but about strengthening your bond for the future.
Be Curious, Not Judgmental
One of the most vital principles is to be curious rather than judgmental. Engage your child with genuine questions about their aspirations and plans. Resist the urge to impose your knowledge or dismiss their ideas. Instead, foster a dialogue where they can articulate their thoughts and feelings. This not only helps them clarify their own goals but also shows that you respect their autonomy. Remember, your role is to support and guide, not to dictate.
Consistency and Persistence
The final pillar is about being consistent and persistent in your support. This means being a steady presence in your child’s life, offering guidance without overwhelming them. It’s about finding the balance between providing necessary support and allowing them to take on responsibilities and make their own decisions.
Personal Experience
Drawing from my professional experience as a psychologist and my personal journey with my three children, I can attest to the importance of these principles. Each of my children faced unique challenges and circumstances during their college application processes, from navigating the disruptions of COVID-19 to adjusting to new schools. These experiences have reinforced the value of understanding, patience, and open communication.
For instance, my middle child’s junior year was disrupted when their beloved school closed, forcing them to transfer to a new environment for their senior year. This upheaval was a significant emotional challenge, but it also provided an opportunity for growth and resilience. By staying curious and supportive, we navigated this transition together, ultimately strengthening our relationship.
Conclusion
The college application process is a significant milestone for both parents and children. By applying the principles of explicit parenting—knowing yourself, understanding your relationship, being curious rather than judgmental, and remaining consistent and persistent—you can help your child navigate this journey with confidence and maintain a strong, supportive bond.
Remember, this is not just about getting through the process but about growing together and preparing your child for a successful transition into adulthood. Let’s start this important conversation and support each other through these transformative years. Comment your thoughts below or share your own experiences. If you’re ready to dive deeper, comment ‘I am ready’ to book a consultation with me.