A lot of parents fear the time of year when sex-ed is addressed in the school curriculum. As a parent, and a therapist, I think the class at school is an excellent opening for honest conversations at home. You may not want to have these conversations, but they are really important to your kids’ health and well-being.

Your children don’t need to know all the details of your personal life but, believe it or not, they are listening to your opinions, and your experiences do count in their eyes. Knowing what a parent thinks and feels is important to tweens and teens who are working hard to determine how they themselves think and feel about myriad topics of the world.  It is necessary  to take the time to talk to kids about sex, even if it might make you all feel more uncomfortable than the actual act ever could.

Of course, you can lace lessons about body autonomy and consent into every day situations from the time children are even old enough to talk. But funny nicknames for body parts,  hinting at no-no zones and making kids stop tormenting their sibling as soon as he or she says stop doesn’t fully get the job done when it is time for wrestling with modern teenage relationship issues.

I’m afraid the way to tackle these topics is head on, with explicit conversations that involve your thoughts, opinions and the information you want to pass on to these almost-adult humans about their bodies, their rights and the intersection of the two.

I am not going to tell you what to tell them. I have opinions, but ultimately what you tell them is up to you and your morals, religious beliefs or whatever other guiding principle you use to make these decisions. I will tell you that getting clear on what you think about sex is important before sharing it with your kid. Generally speaking, “Don’t do it” isn’t going to work. Once you know the direction you want to go, don’t wait to go there. Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, it’s uncomfortable for all of you. But the payoff is totally worth it. The results can be young people who know how to take care of themselves and others and have the confidence to do both. How much is that worth to you?

We tackle topics like this conversation in our Explicit Parenting groups and we have one starting soon! Find more information on our services page.