Today, we are diving into a topic that resonates deeply with me and probably with many of you. We are talking about the art of letting go.
As a parent with older kids transitioning into young adults, I have found that mastering the art of loosening the reins is not just a skill but a necessity. Join me as we explore the nuances of the letting-go process and discover how pivotal it can be to strengthen and preserve your relationships with your children as they mature.
Overwhelming Responsibility and the Urge to Protect
The responsibility we feel for our children can sometimes be overwhelming. Despite our knowing that shielding them from every hardship is impossible, there is an innate sense that we have to ensure they never experience pain or hurt. That protective instinct can be driven by our past mistakes, leading us to try to prevent our children from taking the same paths.
Mentoring vs. Controlling:
As a parent, I often grappled with finding the balance between offering guidance based on my life experiences and allowing my child the freedom to learn and grow independently. I believe in taking a mentoring approach, sharing my personal journey, and encouraging my childrento think critically and become fully self-actualized adults through thoughtful questioning rather than imposing decisions.
Parenting with a Focus on Self-Knowledge:
I have learned to understand the significance of self-awareness in parenting. Acknowledging my anxieties and understanding my triggers have proven crucial. By knowing myself better, I can navigate challenging situations more effectively and be mindful of how my actions contribute to my children’s development.
Knowing Your End Game:
Considering the desired outcome in the parent-child relationship is crucial. I prefer to foster an environment where my children feel comfortable seeking advice rather than fearing judgment or punishment. It depends on whether you decide to become a mentor or tyrant or aim for open communication and mutual respect.
Behavior Modification and Effective Parenting:
The idea of behavior modification in parenting is complex. Immediate punishments might stop a behavior temporarily, but your focus should be on long-term growth. By understanding your triggers and concentrating on your end game, you can build healthy, open relationships with your children and guide them more effectively with your parenting approach.
Curiosity Over Judgment:
Maintaining curiosity over judgment in my interactions with my children has been essential. Listening more, assuming less, and engaging in open conversations allowed me to gain deeper insight into my children’s perspectives and foster healthier and more understanding relationships with them.
Conclusion – The Art of Letting Go:
As a parent, the ongoing process of letting go starts early. My goal was to create relationships where my children felt supported, understood, and comfortable to return home, even after experiencing their independence. It is all about self-awareness, consistent guidance, and having an open and curious mindset.
Me Time
In the Me Time segment this week, I explore various tools that help me in my letting go process. I like to focus on self-discovery, and journaling is a key practice for me, taking on diverse forms, from intentional sessions with candles and tarot cards to quick notes during late-night awakenings. Whether you prefer to write or use voice notes, the goal is to process your thoughts effectively. Some people like to use the Marco Polo app for video chatting and verbal processing. Two specific journals, my quarterly planner and the Elegant Excellence Journal by Hilary Rushford, play a role in my routine. There is also the value sorting practice, a tool I use in my Women of Wonder group to examine core values and navigate life changes.
Until next time, take care!
Links and resources:
Women of Wonder (W.o.W) Founding Members
