Today I want to ask you a question, “what do you want?”  If you struggle to answer then keep reading while I share the secret to having it all.

“I have no idea, how. I just did.”

That top quote is from me. Whenever someone inquires about the time I earned a doctoral degree while working full time and raising three kids and says, “how did you do it”, above is my genuine response followed by, “ I woke up every day and did the next right thing, in every aspect of my life.”

The thing is, I wasn’t numb or disconnected back then.

I was just having it all. My way.

Before I started my grad school work I was in a mid-motherhood crisis. I was confused, overwhelmed and feeling like I didn’t even know myself or my purpose anymore.

In looking back on my story I realized that there were too many years where I made choices based on what I thought I was supposed to do; as a daughter, student, employee, wife, mom, woman in the world, rather than what I chose to do. I was numb and disconnected, even if it didn’t look that way from the outside.

It took me far longer than I’d like to admit to finally stop the treadmill, and ask what I wanted, rather than what I thought I was supposed to do.

I work all day with people who come to me feeling stuck and overwhelmed and often when I ask, “what do you want?” they either give me blank looks or they get mad at the thought that they’ve not really given that question much thought. When it was my turn to answer that question, I did both.

When we talk about women having it all, I think of those blank looks and angry responses. Because the question “what do you want” shouldn’t be so novel. The question should be tied directly to the definition of “it all”.

Up until my mid-motherhood crisis, I didn’t even know who the heck was defining “it all”, much less who got to decide if I could have it or not?

When I realized I was just going through the motions of “supposed to”, I knew it was time for for me to decide what “it all” looked like in my life and then I could decide to go get it.

I had to stop doing the next should thing and start DECIDING what the next thing should be FOR ME.

I looked around. I looked inside. I took stock of what I had, what I’d done and what I had the support to do. Also, I started FEELING, maybe for the first time.

I took time to decide how I wanted to feel when I “had it all”. Then, when I decided how I wanted to feel, I took time to check in and notice when I felt aligned, peaceful and strong. Then, I made choices to go after the things that made me feel those ways. Then, and only then, did I know what having it all meant for me and only then could I go get it. I locked in. I made a plan. Then, I’m not sure how I did it, I know I woke up every day and did the next right thing until I had what I wanted.

Other people may not define my life as having it all. But I do and that’s all that matters.

What do you want to feel like? What does having it all mean in your world? What choices can you make that help you feel like you have it all? I’d love to know! Hit reply and fill me in-after you take a minute to tune in and figure it out for yourself. Then get to doing the next right thing-FOR YOU.

You got this!

Cristie XOXO

P.S.  Do you feel like you need support to break free from always doing for others and never leaving any room for what you want?  If this sounds like you, let’s connect and discuss how I can help.