It’s that time of year again—when we’re bombarded with messages about setting goals, achieving more, and becoming better versions of ourselves. But have you ever paused to ask: Whose goals are these, really? Are they yours, or are they shaped by societal expectations, outside pressures, and the ever-present noise of comparison?
In this blog post, inspired by my latest podcast episode, I want to help you shift your perspective on New Year’s resolutions. Instead of resolutions that attempt to “fix” you, let’s explore how to create goals that genuinely support and nurture who you are at your core.
The Problem with “Should”
How often do we make resolutions based on what we think we should do? Lose weight, exercise five times a week, eat healthier, hustle harder. These goals might sound productive, but they’re often rooted in external expectations rather than personal desires. As I shared in the episode, the constant pressure to meet these “shoulds” is like shaming ourselves into action—and it rarely leads to lasting change.
When I’ve worked with clients, one question I frequently ask is: Do you feel like yourself? The responses are often uncertain. Many don’t even know what “feeling like themselves” truly means anymore. And when I follow up with, What would it take to get back to feeling like you? the answers become even harder to articulate.
This is where resolutions can take a turn. Instead of being a means to connect with our authentic selves, they become a checklist of societal norms we think we need to follow.
My Journey to “Move More”
At the end of 2023, I decided to approach resolutions differently. After years of setting goals that left me feeling guilty or ashamed when I didn’t meet them, I chose one simple intention: move more.
It wasn’t about weight loss or hitting the gym a certain number of times a week. It was about reconnecting with the athlete inside me—the version of me who loves physical challenges and camaraderie. I didn’t create strict plans or announce my goal to the world. I kept it private and focused on doing what felt good for my body and mind.
From swimming to pickleball to light strength training, I embraced activities that brought me joy and made me feel alive. By removing the pressure to “achieve” and focusing on how I wanted to feel, I created a sustainable, fulfilling habit.
How to Create Resolutions That Support You
If you’re tired of resolutions that feel more like a chore than self-care, here are a few steps to shift your approach:
- Ask Yourself the Right Questions:
• What does it mean to feel like me?
• What has changed, and how can I get back to that feeling? - Tune Out the Noise:
Limit exposure to sources that make you feel “less than,” whether that’s certain social media accounts, comparisons with others, or even well-meaning advice that doesn’t resonate. - Focus on Small, Joyful Changes:
Your goal doesn’t need to be grandiose. Whether it’s walking for five minutes a day or picking up a hobby you love, small actions can have a big impact. - Keep It Personal:
Resolutions don’t need to be broadcasted. If public accountability motivates you, great! But if it creates pressure, keep your goals private and work on them quietly. - Prioritize Self-Compassion:
Resolutions should nurture you, not shame you. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, and let go of perfection.
Finding Your Authentic Self
Ultimately, the most meaningful resolution you can make is one that supports your journey back to feeling like you. For me, that meant reconnecting with my identity as an athlete. For you, it might mean something entirely different. Whatever it is, it’s worth pursuing.
As you plan for the year ahead, I encourage you to take a moment to pause, reflect, and ask yourself: What do I really need? When your goals come from a place of self-awareness and care, they’re far more likely to bring lasting fulfillment.
Let’s start the conversation! What’s one thing you’ll do this year to feel more like yourself? Comment your thoughts below—I’d love to hear from you.
Cristie XOXO
