In today’s blog post, we are talking about the reality of healing trauma and how social media would have you believe it’s a quick fix when it isn’t.

A few weeks ago I was doing what I do when I prepare for a podcast episode: googling. I know I’m supposed to be the “expert” on the podcast, but I always want to check in with the world to see what’s on people’s minds before I set about recording how I think you might get some relief.

There are two problems with this approach if you ask anyone in marketing or small business success.

First, the only thing I am an expert in is helping people get what and where they tell me they need and want to go. I’m not an expert in what they need or where they need to go. Only they are experts in those things.

The second reason marketing people yell at me is directly related to this belief of mine. It seems that everyone on the internet thinks they’re an expert on telling people what to do and how to do it, and I refuse to be that gal.

In googling the topic of healing old wounds, I was inundated with “experts” on the topic. I went far down the rabbit hole that is trauma and social media, and boy did it make me angry.

Funny, turns out the messages get a bit distorted when you try to distill trauma and trauma treatment down into bite-size tiktok videos or instagram carousels.

Like any other area of life touched by capitalism, our pain and healing are ripe for exploitation by people ready to make money. So even those who might actually be experts or at least those who start out well meaning, can all fall prey to the pitfalls of “therapy via internet”.

The trouble with therapy in the age of internet experts is this:
Social media is simple and quick. Trauma healing is neither.

In fact, the whole point of social media is often to give us quick fixes to complex problems. Everything from movie reviews to childhood attachment is distilled down into bite site listicles and catchy dance videos. (Remember all that choreographed pointing over our heads at speech bubbles we all did a few years ago?)

On one hand, I love the access to information social media provides. Mental wellness shouldn’t be gate kept, and healing shouldn’t only be reserved for those who can afford it. So, I can’t fully argue with listicles and dance videos if it means people feel more hopeful and less alone. Heck, I’m creating all that same stuff sometimes in the name of providing information to as many as I can.

The problem comes when people confuse the broader message for the facts. It actually isn’t too hard to distill the basics of trauma or attachment into bite-sized pieces, but the actual work of healing is never bite-sized. Too often that message gets lost.

The result is people in my office feeling like they’re doing it wrong because they still feel miserable after a loss. Or we have a whole generation of teenagers who feel damaged because they actually feel things, sometimes deeply.

Healing is a lifelong process that involves awareness, grace and holding opposing truths long enough to reconcile them in the way that helps you most. Healing is NOT the absence of bad days, or feeling blue or sometimes rage. Yes, we talk about managing emotions and calming the nervous system. But managing isn’t the same as never having and calm is not the final destination.

I often tell my clients our goal is to move from feeling in danger to simply being pissed off. Or (maybe AND) recognizing that feeling sad over something sad happening is not the same as jumping off a cliff into emotions you can never come back from.

We are safe to feel appropriate feelings. That’s the goal of healing.

Triggers happen. Emotions are human and meant to be felt. Sometimes all of that is wildly inconvenient. But no matter what, you aren’t broken. The work of being human is anything but simple and quick, and humanness can’t be “cured”, no matter how many supplements or yoga classes you take, even if that’s what your favorite wellness influencer wants you to think.

Here is what I know. We are whole and resilient and beautiful and amazing-even when we feel like garbage or as if we never have the answers for any questions. I promise, we’re doing it all right. No matter what the listicles say.

If you’re struggling, check out my trauma therapy offering and then reach out for a complimentary consultation.

Christie XOXO